What?

Was all I kept saying as my dad kept repeating that Little Neil was dead. Little Neil, my cousin, we called him little Neil b/c he was a Jr. and it was funny b/c there was nothing little about him. He was a gentle giant, standing at about 6'5, he seemed he was 7' tall to me. He was the oldest cousin on my dad's side of the family. He had a wife and 2 beautiful children, Jenni and Jimmy. Jimmy was in the car with his dad, when at some point Little Neil lost control of the car and crashed. Neil is dead and Jimmy is on life support.

My dad gave me the news as I was going to church this morning. My heart just broke and the tears just started coming but I went on to church and sat next to a friend. Who let me cry in her arms for a minute.. I felt a little better...

There are so many random thoughts that are flying through my head so I hope you'll forgive my ramblings. My thoughts went to Neil's parents who are not in good health. My grandmother who has had to bury a son, a husband, and now 2 grandchildren, and possibly a great-grandchild. Something a grandmother should never have to do. The sadness I feel for Neil's wife, Bev who always has a smile on her face. Having to make arrangements for her husband's funeral and trying to keep hope alive for her son. Her son, Jimmy who is married with two children. My prayer is that God will let him live so that his kids will know how great he is and how great thier grandaddy Neil was.

I wish I could tell you that I was extremely close to Neil and his family, that we visited each other, called each other all the time, but that wasn't the case. I usually saw them at Family Reunions, but when we did see each other it was if no time had passed between us. That's just the way my dad's family is, there are no expectations, just love that stretches across the miles...

So even though the tears fall for us down here, I know that Neil is in abeautiful place, where there is no pain. I just want to remember little Neil, climbing out of his truck, and swaggering towards only to give me a huge bear hug with arms that were just huge. Even standing on my tippy toes, he still towered above me.and I can just see him bending down to hug our grandmother who stands at mere 4'10 tall. He was so proud of his family and we were so proud of him.

So I say goodbye to this gentle giant and pray for strength for my family. A family that has seen it's share of tragedy. But if there is anything that remains and keeps us strong it is the love of Jesus. I know He will give us the peace we need to get through this.. Amen..